Christmas Cult Classic:

Warning: This is the Christmas episode of a cult classic TV show I used to like on Comedy Central about ten years ago. For those that used to like this show and had forgotten… you’re welcome. 🙂

If you never saw the show though, I’m not calling it a cult classic to exaggerate it, as I’m quite convinced that it represents a legitimate “you had to be there” moment to really ‘get it.’ That, or you do ‘get it,’ but you would just consider it too “outdated” to be that funny. In that case, it would be something you probably couldn’t ‘get into,’ hence the phrase “cult classic.”

Regardless of anyone’s view though, I warn: if you watch this, you will definitely feel dumber afterward in a non-positive way (as opposed to a Socrates-esque: “Wisdom is knowing how little we know” moment), so watch at your own risk…

(originally posted 12-25-10)

1234 Happy Street

(dedicated to Doug Stanhope)

For shits and giggles, I just typed 1234 Happy Street into a mapping program. Two observations:

1. It does exist (actually 1234 Happy Road)

2. Not only does it exist, it’s nearby in Pahrump! We could be there in an hour (Las Vegas friends anyway)!

However, I have a pretty good idea of what to expect from the final destination of where the map’s directions lead (assuming its an “establishment” and not a residence of course :-). (And for the non-Nevadans reading this, the likely guess is that this leads to one of Pahrump’s legalized brothels).

Now I don’t have any serious intention of ever going there, but (hypothetically speaking for continued shits and giggles) if someone I trusted completely, or an advanced being or angel etc. of some kind told me that the world was going to end tomorrow 100% for sure, and I sincerely believed that (entity), I would undoubtedly arrive at a most interesting series of observations:

1. No one would honestly believe me if I told them the world was going to end:

a. My own family would never believe me (but to be fair, I wouldn’t believe them either if our roles were reversed)

b. Although it would seem admirable to choose to be with your family if the world was about to end, the reality is that you could never hang out with them in that situation (you know the future but they don’t) because you wouldn’t be able to shut up about the end of the world and how it’s “our last night together…” because they would just think you’re completely effing crazy, and would just get frustrated listening to you not shutting up about it. So do you really want to spend your last few hours arguing with your family over a paranormal experience until they have an intervention and eventually conspire to have you committed (and possibly arrested)? I wouldn’t….

c. Think about it: if I called you spontaneously, would you really call off work, or leave early because I left you a message telling you that the end of the world was tomorrow? And because an (entity) told me so? Probably not. You would probably think I was on drugs or setting up a practical joke.

2. There wouldn’t be enough time to save humanity: It would be difficult enough to just convince one of your neighbors the world was going to end, much less the neighborhood, city, nation, or world that it really is the last night. Realistically speaking, you could probably spread a message that would reach a lot of people, but it would be impossible to convince them of the truth of its contents; and if there was nothing we could do to change the fate of the world, why bother freaking people out?

So what’s the only conclusion? Well if I really got this prophetic message this afternoon, and no one would believe me, and there was nothing I could realistically do to warn people, and I didn’t have enough time to travel far…I just want to state for the record: It was nice knowing all of you. I’m sorry some of you have to work, and are completely oblivious to what is about to happen. However, don’t worry about me, I will be on my way to 1234 Happy Road….in a limo, and I’m going to have an awesome time once I get there…;-D

***(The Next Day Followup)***

Update in case anyone’s actually worried: The world did not end! I’m at home! The good news is that you won’t have to cancel any plans, I just hope that you didn’t spend what’s left of your life savings on hookers last night (even if you thought that it was the only night you could get away with it and no one would blame you; and in fact they (in alarmingly ironic fashion) would probably have been very disappointed in you had you not.

A few last thoughts though:

1. I might be eccentric, but no one could seriously convince me that the world is going to end tomorrow in the power of one afternoon. I would literally have to be taken on a spaceship ride to believe that, and even then I’d probably think it was all still somehow explainable.

2. But if I really did get taken on a spaceship ride, and I really did spend an afternoon being shown stunning technology while listening to enlightening and esoteric wisdom spoken to me by advanced benevolent beings… well I guess convincing me in that situation would be plausible in that extreme case after all… however, once I arrived back home, I’d still probably wind up in a limo and on my way to the town of Pahrump…

Hey, why not? If you only had one night left, would anyone really want to make weepy phone calls to everyone about how much you’re going to miss them (even though they don’t understand)? Would you want to spend your final hours wearing a rosary while repenting and trying to passionately read bible verses out loud in front of the mirror between prayers? I wouldn’t.

And if spending my last few hours of life engaged in the most profound spiritual and ‘sensual’ experience of my life with the sexiest and most intelligent girl in Pahrump (that money can buy) is wrong (even in that extreme situation), then I don’t want to be right. 🙂 And if there’s an afterlife, I want to point out that I’m also going to have instant bragging rights out of the gate… “How did you spend your last few hours on earth?” Enough said…

3. If I’m ever seriously found outside a brothel; naked, covered in vomit, and having just blown my life savings…what can I say? It was either a conspiracy, or some mischievous aliens are really good at practical jokes. Either way, it would be wonderfully poetic…

No Worries, Everything is OK…

Sorry to drop that alarming video on everyone yesterday, but I honestly felt it had to be done. I believe that video is absolutely critical information, and the time to start paying attention is NOW.

I also want to apologize to anyone that I scared the shit out of (assuming you were). Part of the problem is that this sort of material is old news to me, and I forgot about how much it used to affect me, and how it used to scare the shit out of me too.

The good news is that there’s still plenty of time to change this world, and there’s no reason to ever live in fear. We all have a choice in our future, and we don’t have to live in a world full of corrupt politicians and “Residential Centers” if we don’t want to.

Either you and I make the rules, or the establishment will make the rules for us. By no means am I saying they are going to throw you into re-education center tomorrow, but I can tell you that the kind of people that represent the establishment think a lot more like Lex Luthor than Superman. Coolio?

Now to the video: I spent a lot of time trying to find a good video to balance the unsettling one from yesterday, but I think I found a really good one. I even promise that this video is as inspiring and moving as yesterday’s video was scary and shocking. Please enjoy 🙂

(originally posted 11-14-10)

Pedophiles, the Amazon Controversy, and the Moral Issue of the Timing of my Personal Crock Pot Cook Book Shopping Adventure:

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Dammit, I was so excited to go online shopping for the world’s most awesome Crock pot cookbook when I decided to take a quick detour on Facebook to find that TWO of my friends were breaking news on a recent scandal…

Amazon: We’ve known each other a long time, and as a conspiracy guy, I’ve heard for years about how you probably had something to do with Big Brother and might be being used by the NSA to slowly collect all of my personal information (including parting gifts under the sweet guise of internet cookies)…

Yet I kept coming back because I found myself hating high prices even more than hating the possibility of government spooks creating a profile on me; and as much as I love the occasional “buying the world’s latest most controversial book” at a bookstore with glorious, untraceable cash,… it’s a shitty economy and there’s no effing way I would pay full retail on a giant, hardcover Crock pot cookbook. But seriously, what the fuck?

(originally posted 11-12-10)

If it had to be the Easy Way or the Hard Way Today…

I know I’m on call for work today, but the only way I’m going in is if they dispatch a team to my development, and literally drag me kicking and screaming off of my mountain bike and force me to. Be warned though: I’ve gotten much better at riding, I’m not going quietly, and I know all the neighborhood shortcuts… 😉

(originally posted 11-10-10)

I really have to admire how something this stupid manages to be so brilliant at the same time:

You know how when we were all kids and we all had that one friend (or more) that had somehow gotten one of those Leisure Suit Larry games that we weren’t suppose to know about (much less play), but somehow this particular kid found a way to get a copy and showed you and it was a big secret contraband deal?

So with that knowledge in mind, does anyone else also get the feeling that the lead singer of this song was definitely one of THOSE kids? 🙂 Still can’t stop listening to the song though, kudos to you and all of the nerds/pervs I used to know…

Amusement Park Bliss and The Deborah Harry Showdown:

Music video time! Today I present a comparison between Blondie and a band I recently discovered via Pandora. First up Blondie: I had this significant moment on my recent vacation to Minnesota where I was a little under the influence and at Valley Fair (August 9th actually) when I decided to take a break from the rides and just relax and soak up the scenery.

Anyway, just then this Blondie song came on over the outdoor speaker system at the park, and I’ll never forget standing there when this song peaked (right after the first minute) and having a very rare moment of bliss. Ahhh… Like you’re already in this incredible mood, and then you get a chill through your spine… or like being so overwhelmed with positive energy that all you can do is just stand there with a stupid look on your face, enjoy the moment, and hope no one’s watching. Can’t wait to visit again next year!

Now the showdown:

Fair to compare to a young Deborah Harry? This also makes me wonder what a Gaga video would look like with a $250 budget…

(originally posted 11-8-10)